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Mr. Critic

Cinema is the most beautiful fraud in the world. Cinema uses the language of dreams; years can pass in a second and you can hop from one place to another. It’s a language made of image. Here our NxgMobster is guised as Mr.Critic

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LOVE IS NOTHING IN TENNIS, BUT IN LIFE IT'S EVERYTHING.


For Him, Roger Federer is God. You call it FANATICISM and he calls it WORSHIP. But in Women’s tennis, he drools at all. Maria Kirilenko, Caroline Wozniacki, Ana Ivanovic, Maria Sharapova and the list goes on as long as Young girls enter into arena.

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IT'S MA LIFE!!


Happiness is not something you experience, it's something you remember. The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life. So he says LIVE YOUR LIFE TO THE FULLEST

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SMILE PLEASE


Humor is a universal language. Imagination was given to man to compensate him for what he is not; a sense of humor to console him for what he is. So LAUGH OUT LOUD

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FLIRT FAILURES: FF- PART 4

8

Scribbled by Karthik | Filed Under My Experiences with Fantasy | Posted on 11.24.2009

For Part-I, CLICK HERE


We can break a woman’s mind into two sections- Friends, Lovers. The friends’ part is where a woman puts guys that she considers "just friends" The problem arises because a woman never lets a guy know which section he is on. Obviously the line of partition is so thin between these two sections. How to find on which section he is in? On a lighter note, declare as soon as possible that you are not going to be her ‘friend’ All a guy can do is make a move on a girl; ask her out, write her a love note, gifts, cards or whatever. If he's on the Lover’s section, fine. If he is on the friends’ section, now there are two chances. One, he can be promoted to Lovers’ section; the girl can let him in. Second, the girl can give him a tight slap across his face and remind him “we are just friends” followed by in few weeks you are dumped forcibly into a new section- Hatred, that teaches you repugnance, humiliation etc.


So what are the stuffs a girl can say, that shuffle your mind between two sections?


  • Did you eat? No- Oh Please dear, have it soon else I won’t talk with you
  • I Love your Messages
  • You are like my Teddy Bear
  • We both have same taste and likings
  • Your shirt/pant/trouser is super
  • Shall we meet in Canteen? I’ll sponsor for you. Don’t let your friends know it…
  • Please don’t take leave to classes today… I cannot spend a day without seeing you
  • Is Aunty busy? What she is doing?
  • I feel like talking to you anything... You are the one to whom I have shared most of my secrets…
  • I could see your face in my books…
  • You are so nice


Your mind says, “She loves me” I give a kick in the head and say “Sorry... you are in friends’ section”



What will be a girl’s reaction when you propose her? She says “No... I never thought of you like that” or “I need some space” or “I need some time” or “I'm really into my career right now." But she isn’t into any of the thing. She is lying to you. What she’s really meant is “Get away from me now” (Friends’ section) or “You need to try harder, my man” (Lovers’ section)



Most of the men get boozed or smoke once a girl rejects them. You obviously can't force her to like you more than a friend. Girls would be bit annoyed if you ask them again. Let’s say, you were given the option of A, B or C from your teacher and if you choose A, she says “You are wrong. I give you another chance”, what would you do? Will you say A again? If yes, be grateful that she left your balls and sorry Shithead, go and fuck yourself. If you go for B and C, apply this to your state and move on. There are plenty more fish in the sea and keep your eye on a few of them. Just stop fishing once you get the desired Fish. By behaving with as much dignity as possible, being charming and wonderful, let her know what she missed out on.


Whether you're a pretty girl or not, boys will come looking for you. It's a natural thing. Opposites attract each other. Sometimes beautiful women come across men who don’t know any signs of love to her. Reasons: Maybe he finds you unattractive, maybe you are in friend’s section or maybe he is GAY. Next, bleak girls get more boyfriends. Lot of guys use the tactic of making friends with the less attractive friend of a girl that they want to love (Personally, this too never worked for me as they find me bleak :D) Sometimes these girls are trapped to believe that the guy likes her but actually he want to hit at her friend. Women are more interested in long-term relationships than men. When a man tells you, "I love and I will always love you" don't take it for granted. The important thing is this. You need to know as much as possible about the man you are involved to. Evaluate the love. Analyze him. Boys are very good with the art of seduction and pretense. So be careful.


I was criticized for bashing women in most of my posts. It’s not that I think women are bad since they showed thumbs down. I hang out with girls who I find unattractive, but there are girls who find me unattractive either. So there’s fairness. I’m presenting the world how I perceive it. I’m not angry that women like guys who have money. Indeed, my bank balance is producing a progressive graph, thanks to this. It is hard because your heart is crushing right in front of the girl, but at least she is being honest and I found out where the relationship really is. You are hopeless to find your girl with the wrong man and she is finding happiness that is never going to be with you. Women are the most beautiful thing to happen on earth.



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FLIRT FAILURES: FF- PART 3

6

Scribbled by Karthik | Filed Under My Experiences with Fantasy | Posted on 11.17.2009

Why women sometimes just want to be friends? I met A, who is pretty and seems interesting to talk to. We started hanging out, kept on sending unlimited, idiotic messages like “Hi... What doing?” for every 30 minutes. So I developed an attraction to her and after few months, I proposed her. But she told she doesn't think of me that way and she wants to remain friends and preached some advises like career, caste blah blah to which I turned deaf. The next few weeks, the throughput of messages reduced and she never returned my phone calls. The things between us fell off.


God was well pleased with his devotee. So God asked him, "Ask my son, whatever you wish for I am well pleased with you."


He said, "My dear God I would like to have a bridge all the way from Chennai to Kashmir so that I can travel all along India.”

God said, "Son, This is not such a good idea you know. Think about the resources that I will have to divert to this project; the concrete, the steel, the pilings in the rivers, the reinforcements from hurricanes etc, prone to terrorist attacks. I don't think that is a good idea. Why don't you ask for something else?"


He said, "OK God, this I have been really wanting for a long time. You know how women are? They start crying all of a sudden for no reason. When you come home they expect you to read their minds. When they are really saying yes, they will be telling you no. Can I please, please, have the powers so I can understand a woman's mind?"


God promptly said, "Son can we talk about the bridge you wanted."



It’s difficult to read a Girl’s mind, right? Sometimes a girl’s activities lead us to the thought that she is in love with us. But actually she isn’t. The other case, she insults and fights with you, makes us to feel the abhorrence but it means she likes you more. A woman's mind is too complex for even a genius to unravel. They never really know what they want.... no but seriously. Reading a woman, knowing what she is thinking has to be one of the most difficult things any man could ever attempt.



There is lot of factors on which a woman rating system (For a Guy) works. The first one being Money. Every woman prefers a guy who earns a lot, well settled in life, who can buy her chocolates, teddy bears, Jewelries, Dresses etc. Looks are not to be discounted. I see many girls jump to about “Ohhhhh… My Gawwwwdd… He is Sooooo Cuteeee…” emotions when they see some good looking guy or some guy from a crappy movie (Recently Surya, Arya, Madhavan, Ranbir Kapoor) Common girls, if u want them they should get married at least 100 times a day and what about average-looking guys (erg.… Okay, bad looking! Happy now? ) like us should do? Now don’t hit at me like Anushka, Shriya and Asin etc. Then she says “I look for a guy with good sense of humour, intelligent, sensible and caring” as add-on packages. As far as to my knowledge, this is completely rubbish. But there are few rare cases in this.



So if you cannot encipher and decipher a girl’s language, here are some examples.


G1: I want a caring boy friend
Actual: I want a boyfriend who can take care of my expenses


G2: I want a lovable boyfriend
Actual: I want a boyfriend who can get things I Love.


G3: (Not the blogger sis…: D) I want a boyfriend who is dedicated and hard working
Actual: He should earn more


G4: Family Background should be good
Actual: Replace “GOOD” with “RICH”


G5: He should respect Woman
Actual: He should get me things I want



Now moving on, how to score with a woman? Simple, “Don’t show too much interest in her” Women seem to especially like it. Show interest in destroying her self-esteem and in flirting with her friends more than her seem to work wonders. Note, Conditions apply. Next, “Think Different” If you are like every other guy who sticks to a normal job and live a good life, you are segregated in Normal category. Why should girls dig you? They never. Girls never want someone who is just like everyone else. Be different and you are Odd man out. You are a crazy driver who can draw circuit diagrams on road? Then you are in the game. Again Conditions Apply. Warning, being different is not to kick some one’s ass, smoke, drink etc… But sometimes if you do this, certain girls are attracted.


So now the final question, FRIENDa?? LOVERa?? The experiment and inference will be discussed in next post.




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Born Criminals -1

12

Scribbled by Karthik | Filed Under The Three Culprits | Posted on 11.10.2009

You all would have heard of The Three Musketeers, The Three Roses and The Three Idiots. Now, I’m introducing you the Three Culprits- Lancelot, Chronie, Karthik. We explore into their past, give the readers a sample of their felonious minds while they are kids and take you for a roller-coast ride filled with adventure, sentiments and erg, humor.




Even while as a kid, Chronie always has the charm to attract girls. Lance on the other hand has the brain to break this charm and attract the girls to him. Little Lance never hits a girl whose status is Single. He is a love breaker and always drools at girls committed to Chronie and Karthik. A visibly upset Karthik told, “Emma and I were so close. But Lance, just like a snake slid into our relation, wore a GOOD BOY image and broke us.” From there on Little Karthik never told his crushes nor his girlfriends (though Lance kept on spying) knowing “A little introduction to Little Lance is the fitting conclusion to the relation” But there was one girl who Lance couldn’t trap. She is Wolfie. (Romantic Medley now.. The beginning of Jashn E Baharaa from Jodha Akbhar)




Wolfie made an open challenge that she would place her leg on anyone’s closed fist and the one who could lift her (like Kilakke Poghum Rayil Radhika) will be her Mr. Date. Karthik broke his fists badly and was put into ICU for days. On hearing this, Bala offered him a role for his NAAN KADAVUL. Little Lance who kept on hitting the Gym for this task, while eavesdropping, heard the name as Gulfie and went to an Ice Cream parlor nearby getting a fistful of GULFIE ice-creams. As usual Chronie succeeded thanks to his red underwear that gives him power like SUPERMAN thus silencing the critics who thought it would not be the same like he lifted Taj Mahal few months back. To all the readers, who think I’m metaphorically saying Wolfie as Taj Mahal, may God Bless You.




A fuming Lancelot carried out all his plans to break this relation but all were thwarted by Chronie and his red underwear. Lance once tried to rob that underwear but fell cataleptic because of the underwear’s aroma. Poor Lance never knew that Chronie never washed it in his life (Sources say Chronie removes his underwear during rain afraid that it might get washed) and was hospitalized for days. It’s been days since Lance had a good sleep and the moment he closed his eyes, images of Chronie and Wolfie (Lance visualized something bigger than 70 mm so as to accommodate Wolfie into the screen space) kept on lingering in his dreams. Little Lancelot came into the kitchen where his mother was making dinner. His birthday was coming up and he thought this was a good time to tell his mother what he wanted.



"Mom, I want Wolfie."


“WTF? You are a kid Lance!”


“I’m matured enough to get her. I want her and you have to do something.”


“Okay! You write a letter to God telling him reasons why you want her and you think that you deserve her better than Chronie”


Little Lancelot stomped up the steps to his room and sat down to write God a letter.



LETTER 1: Dear God, I have been a very good boy this year and I want Wolfie and an underwear for my birthday. I want a red one. Your friend, Lancelot


Lancelot knew this wasn't true. He had not been a very good boy this year, so he tore up the letter and started over.



LETTER 2: Dear God, This is your friend Lancelot. I have been a little good boy this year, and I would like a red underwear and Wolfie for my birthday. Thank you, Lancelot


Lancelot knew he could not send this letter to God either, as it is not true and so he wrote another letter.



LETTER 3: Dear God, I know I haven't been a good boy this year. I am very sorry. I will be a good boy if you help me win over Wolfie. So just send me red underwear for my birthday. Thank you, Lancelot


He couldn’t control himself from laughing at the letter and so tore this too. By now, Lancelot was very upset. He went downstairs and told his mother he wanted to go to church. Lancelot's mother thought her plan had worked because Lancelot looked very sad.


"Just be home in time for dinner" his mother said.

Lancelot walked down the street to the church and up to the bench. He looked around to see if anyone was there. He picked up a statue of the Virgin Mary. He slipped it under his shirt and ran out of the church, down the street, into his house, and up to his room. He shut the door to his room and sat down with a piece of paper and a pen. Lancelot began to write his letter to God.



LETTER 4: I'VE GOT YOUR MAMA. IF YOU WANT TO SEE HER AGAIN, SEND THE RED UNDERWEAR WRAPPED IN A PARCEL, CARRIED BY WOLFIE. Signed, YOU KNOW PHOO



Moral: The LOVE created more criminals than any other single act of government



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