Thanks to the Blessings of Almighty and prayers of some of my blogger friends ( I know you haven’t), I’m here alive escaped from the Jaws of Death. Creepy?? Yeah!! It was worse because since my exams are postponed for a month thanks to torrential rain that’s been creating havoc in Chennai (Fu**, Only an exam left and I was much expecting to get back into blogging in full flow! Anyhow I’m not goanna achieve anything in this one month leave as my brain will woke up to studies only the night before. I hate this delay) so is this what you call death?? No Still I didn’t complete. Since I couldn’t get into my leisure pursuit of nomadic and requests from my friends to review Drona, instead of being Dumb at house; searching ideas for my next post, I switched on my DVD player putting aside all the Cautions. And now here, I live to tell the tale and how worse and pathetic it was.
Shit, Fuck, Garbage, Pathetic, poor, trash, Nonsense, Dismal and put all the adjectives you know that describes Rubbish things and that is Drona. If you thought Love Story 2050 and God Tussi Great Ho are two worse films and creepy, then count your blessings that you’d not seen this poorly executed DRONA. Let’s pray that they won’t send this film for OSCARS. I believe director Goldie Behl (Did I spell right. Is Goldie She/he?? Somebody leave the answer in comments) and AB Jr are the Lords of the Jack Asses. Because the Drona story is so utterly unpersuasive and unappealing, the settings are so slapdash, the music is so perambulate, stunt scenes are downright mediocre and the overall effect of watching Drona is of walking into a room full of cerebral damaged cases. I always watch AB Jr films because I’m not his fan. If there are few actors whom I hate to the core, AB Jr tops the list and wins my MOST-HATED award unanimously. But why do I? When life is down, get a sneak of his films and you can console yourself, “IF CRAPS LIKE HIM CAN LIVE IN THIS WORLD, WHY COULDN’T I?” The thing that puzzles me is why Maniratnam cast him in his films. A veteran director couldn’t tell apart an acting genius and one worse than greenhorn? Is he funding for Madras talkies films? Only God knows it! You can vent out all your anger by cursing at AB Jr (bad words!!!) and get back into normal. The only film which I enjoyed most of him is BUNTY AUR BUBBLY!
REASONS WHY I HATE ABHISHEK BACHCHAN:
The duffer can’t act.
The blunderer picks movies without paying attention to the script or the caliber of the director
The bungler is just no match for the track-record or the talent of the reigning Bollywood superstars SRK (Muah!!!), Hrithik Roshan and Akshay Kumar
Finally My X-Girl friend likes him to the core (X-Girl Friend in my language is ‘LOVE HER I but LOVE ME NOT SHE’)
I find it hard to accept that Abhishek Bachchan has a future in Bollywood. That is unless he opens a mobile shop and sells out mobiles and opens a DVD shop (But not to sell his films) or enter into catering business to deliver Tea and Samosa to Bollywood movie sets.
Don’t I dare call it as a Story? AB Jr is a superhero in this movie. But the way he has donned the role and tortured the viewers (Ergg sorry Innocents and Sleepers) he is more of a HITMAN, KILLER ON THE RUN. Although he tries hard in the action sequences, his body language or physique just doesn’t suit the role of a superhero with extraordinary physical power. His excess flab around the tummy area is quite clearly seen in the Drona costume.
Drona is about an orphan Aditya (Abhishek Bachchan), who has never experienced or felt love. The only thing that gives Aditya comfort is a magical blue rose petal that comes wafting into his room, making him smile through his tears. One fine day, the blue petal leads him to a beautiful Kada (a thick bangle like bracelet), which he starts wearing around his wrist. The Evil Riz Raizada (Kay Kay Menon) a descendant of the Asuras (Demons) has become by now desperate in his quest for the special ‘Amrith’, the only missing link in his grand plan of taking over the world. To get to the Amrith, he knows he will have to defeat Drona. But Riz is unaware of who and where Drona is! Soon Aditya and Riz come face to face. Riz sees the kada around Aditya’s hand, and recognises him as Drona. Aditya is now running for his life. Just as he is about to be captured by Riz, Sonia (Priyanka Chopra) comes to his rescue. She reveals her own identity, Drona’s bodyguard and Aditya’s real identity to him but he refuses to believe he is Drona, the savior of the world. Drona is in real the son of Queen Jayati Devi (Jaya Bachchan)! The fight now is between the good and the evil and so it’s Drona versus Riz Raizada! Drona has to succeed to save his mother and the world!
And the world knows what the rest is! Feel like spitting?? Even a 10 year old school kid could have scripted a better superhero story for his school project! Goldie, you better learn how to script a Super-hero film who has read Harry Potter.
To be described in a sentence, the thing that starts with HA HA (Laughs) and AH AH (Torture) and NA NA (No! No!) is called DRONA. Sing a lullaby
“DRONA NA NA NA! DRONA AH AH AH! DRONA HA HA HA!”
CAST AND CREW:
AB Jr can’t even get score an F in acting. If he can get some F for his zombie-like acting skills, that F is F**K. He sleepwalks through the entire movie. Neither do he show any sign of life - not when his mother turns into a statue, not when he’s told about his messianic purpose on Earth, nor in songs, when he’s singing with the white boys and girls. AB Jr’s partners-in-crime in this torture drama are Bollywood Stupidity Queen Priyanka Chopra and Kay Kay Menon, who seems to have completely lost his marbles.
Kay Kay’s cartoon-like performance in Drona depressed me a lot (because I’ve heard from my friends he has done a decent job in BLACK FRIDAY which I didn’t watch). Considering his clownish antics and acting in the movie, he’s the buffoon and AB Jr is the villain. Know what?? The buzz was that about 22 crores was spent solely on Kay Kay’s character in a film which was made at a budget of 90 crores (according to Yahoo) Music? Hell, Drona has no such thing. Every single number in Drona filled us with the anguish at the depths Bollywood has fallen. Drona’s music is in one word drivel. Priyanka Chopra is a grisly ghoul under any circumstance but to see her fight in Drona is a torture. And a lady as a superhero’s bodyguard? Then you could’ve made Priyanka as Superhero instead of AB Jr? Why does a super-hero need a bodyguard? You say special effects in Drona - I say “What?? Special effects?? Lol! I didn’t see any.”
TORTURES AND FUNNY MOMENTS:
The entire film is an anguishing and fun to watch but to be handpicky
Drona and his bodyguard Sonia are in the middle of a vast desert and out of nowhere; Sonia is pulled into a huge sea! Sea in a desert? HA HA!!
Which century does this movie belong to? We start off with a modern town with all the high funda cars; cut to the next scene we have a palace in a desert! AH AH!!
Drona is warned “Open the door, you’ll meet death!” He opens and out a ferocious and filthy looking monster. Ek punch from our absolutely unfit-for-a-superhero-role Abhishek, down goes the monster! Applause!! NA NA!!
Little does the zombie a.k.a. Aditya realize that he’s actually more than a grocery store clerk-Ha Ha!! He’s the guardian not just of Planet Earth but the universe itself against dark elements and he’s the Drona. Ha ha, again. Only one man can lead the evil Raizada to the nectar and immortality - Drona. But only one man stands between him and immortality- yes! Yes! You are right!! DRONA!! So next is what?? Yes!! HA HA!! Sing the Lullaby again.
Mind you these are just a few of the numerous absurd scenes that Goldie and his Drona team treat us with. Can be forgiven in the name of Fantasy, but then there is hardly a connection between any two scenes. Drona’s strengths and power are not dealt with in detail which is so very important for a superhero flick. Asinine and inane film-making! If all the unwarranted scenes and what the director is intended to tell, the film could be made in a hour instead of 150 mins! This could’ve reduced the cost and my pain.
POSITIVE: Interval break
NEGATIVE: Almost everything
I didn’t break this DVD because my nastiest enemy is celebrating his birthday next week and I’m goanna give it to him- No Better way I can find to revenge him. Praying he does survive after watching it! If you have any love for yourself, if you have any value for your time and hard-earned money, save your family, friends and yourself the trauma of watching Drona. If you want to post some interesting and cautious post or like AB Jr in this film, if your mission is to save the world, then watch the film and review it! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!
Mr.Critic 5-Star: *
PS: Ek star because the Shopkeeper gave the DVD for 25Rs.. For JTYJN he demanded 50!!
PS-2: For mates, who are not aware of Vijay and Ajith in my previous, here i embed the link! (Fine Amritha??)