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Lingo - Bingo

5.08.2009

I speak, walk, talk Engleesh

Most of us would have come across Professors, Teachers or Faculties in our Schools, Colleges who, though not well versed in English, try hard to explain the subject’s concepts in English. On doing so, some of their sentences turn awkward as they misplace verbs, stress verb as noun and the sentences never come in a pattern like S+V+C, S+V+O. There are some who, though strong in their domain say Physics, Math, Chemistry but due to their bad grammar, murder English and invoke laughter in us. Even if you meet them after few years, the thing that first strikes your mind is not what they taught; the equations, formulas but their stress-buster sentences. I’d encountered few, who knowing their weakness, explain the concepts in mother-tongue (for me it’s Tamil; Vin- Hindi, Archana- Telugu) and others, won’t give a damn to it and try to get into the language as worse as possible. English teachers are always one’s favorite if they love the Language. If it is a female staff, then no doubt, guys would go mad over them. The way they dress, communicate, pronounce (their accent will be mind-blowing) still remains in our mind. But poor Lance had a granny and grandpa for his English classes. I would like to share few of the comical dialogs that were used by my teachers, slaughtering the language.



Our Math sir was one of the gems. His classes will be interesting and one would really love math for his style of teaching. In-between when the students do monkey business, at the height of anger, he beats English to dead. While he is solving sums in the board, when students talk at back, he turns and gives a red-face. He will control himself for two-three times, if it goes on, he shouts WHAT YA?? PLAYING? WHY TALKING BACK? COME TALK FRONT HERE! I LISTEN! NOT SILENT NA, TROUBLE ONLY! YOU TALK, FAN ROTATING, BOARD REFLECTING, I TRIPLE SOUND HEARING YA. NEXT TIME MY MOUTH WON’T SPEAKU. ONLY HANDS YA HANDS WILL SPEAK. (Showing his palm like Congress) TURNING 180 DEGREE TO SEE YOU NA, PAIN COMING IN NECK. THEN THIS PAIN WILL COME TO YOUR NECKU!! The greatness in him is adding YA to the sentences in between. Once he asked to work out a sum in board. It was algebra and there were many polynomial equations. At a step I missed p in an equation. He, on noticing it, without thinking, said WHERE IS P ya?? WENT WITH FAMILY TO HOLIDAY TRIP ah?? Some of the students shouted It is IN BATHROOM SIR (In Tamil p means SHIT)


Some of his other one-liners are


ANYBODY HAVING PURE MINERAL DRINKING WATER?


TAKE THE BOOK. SUDDENLY TURN TO PAGE NO 45 YA. NOTE THE QUESTION NUMBER 3. VERY VERY VERY VERY IMPORTANT PROBLEM. ALL TIME ASKING THIS QUESTION YA!!



WHO NOT SUBMITTED THE HOMEWORK?? I KNOW THAT GUY YA! IF YOU ITSELF NOT COMING FRONT NA, AND I FIND IT NA, SEVERE AUCTION (spell: Action) WILL BE TAKEN. And when no students stand, he calls the name one by one from the notebook, asking them to stand. NOW STANDING STUDENTS SUDDENLY SIT AND SITTING STUDENTS SUDDENLY STAND. This is his technique for finding the home-work defaulters.


Our Chemistry lab-assistant always pronounce few of the chemicals name wrong. JINKU (ZINC) SULPATE, KAALCIUM (CALCIUM) KARPENATE (CARBONATE).

CONCENTRATED ACIDS ARE DANGEROUS TO HEALTH. POUR IN HAND, BURNS COMING AND CRYING MEANS I’m NOT RESPONSIBLE. CONCENTRATE WHILE USING CONCENTRATED ACID. If we break any test tube, fearing for fine, we will just push the pieces into the hole at sinks available in our tables. He once found it, as the pipeline got struck because of more number of pieces (we love to break test tubes for every class or sneak it inside our pant pocket along with salts. I love to show it to the kid near our house, as salts on addition with another, change into various colors. I’ll fool that kid saying I’m A MAGICIAN and as the kid is astonished on seeing my magic (erg... Experiment), I’ll take the chocolates from her hand), he said IDIOTS BREAKING TEST TUBE SINKING IT INTO SINK, WATER NOT FLOWING INSIDE. DUPIDS (mean STUPIDS).



In our college, we had a Physics lab assistant. Since Physics is meant for first year, our college never minded to put more faculties for the subject and so the lab assistant himself turned out to be our Professor in second semester. This man is as worse at English as it will take eons to figure what he said. Once I and two of my batch mates went into the lab without wearing our lab coats. He shouted YOU THREE FOOLS, YOU THREE BOTH OF YOU GET OUT OF THE LAB. On teaching SONAR, he said, SONAR IS USED TO FIND THE ENEMY BOATS TARVELLING DEEP DEEP OF WATER and for SPECTRUM, his one liner was, WHILE TURNING SPECTROMETER YOU FIND COLORS OF VARIOUS COLORS. WHAT FAVORITE COLOR YOU WANT ALL AVAILABLE.


To top all of these, Chairman of my friend’s college will give a run for money to all of my staffs. Unlucky, I didn’t get a chance to hear his quotes. But the students have put a separate book for his funny quips. Few are


All of you stand in a straight circle

The girl with the mirror please come front (she was wearing Spec)

Why are you late - say YES or NO .....

Girls should not wear T shirt, U shirt, V shirt.

Open the doors of the window. Let the Air Force come in

Close the doors of the windows please. I have winter in my nose today

In Cinema theater I saw you with my wife yesterday.


Few of the parents complained to him that their daughter spending most of the time in ORKUT. So they fear, she will be spoiled and asked him to advise them not to chat in ORKUT. He is unaware that ORKUT is a social networking site, and there is a rule in their college that opposite sexes shouldn’t interact with each other. So he went to the respective class and blasted the girls.


WHICH IDIOT IS ORKUT IN THIS CLASS?? STAND UP MAN!! ALL PARENTS COMPLAINING GIRLS CHATTING WITH YOU?? KNOW THE RULES NA?? BOY BOY TALK OK! GIRL GIRL TALK ALSO OK! BOY GIRL TALK NO IN COLLEGE!!


And if he continues at this rate, hope I’ll come up with more parts on this topic!!


THANKS!! KEEP VISITING!!





24 Droplets:

Chronicwriter said...

jeppiar jokes ellaam ulla vandhuduchu...

nice one karthi...

it is indeed a lovely thing to revisit college/school memories indeed..

lovely

chriz

яノςんム said...

emotional attyachar. as u just said. slaughtering of the language :D

we had a techer in our fist yr. her pronunciation was so poosr, she used to say kiminication read- communication.

there was a girl in our class, in a seminar, she said- sir, your voice is not edible. :P

Vinnie said...

yeddike da?? yyyyyyyyyy??

phew.....anyways, this post was damn too funny..so i forgive u

Hindi is our national language n Tamil Nadu is part of India..

Karthik hain bura ladka:)
Jai Bharat Mata!

kanagu said...

nice one karthik.... as always Jeppiar takes the top spot when it comes to murdering English.. No one can beat him :P

and we too had some great engish lecturers in our school and colleges.. :)

Thoorika said...

one of ur lecturers shud read all these.. then your bad time starts ya..:D

Kartz said...

How I pity the language... ... ...

You took me back to my days in university. Ugh! *doesn't wish to think*

Trust all is well.

Peace.

---
Clay season started. Care to think of any *surprises*? Project-laam overa?

Sayani said...

hehe can nt stop laughing...
Seriously lol!!!

i too remember an incident when our mathematics teacher (very poor in english speaking) was asking a student abt some question , when suddenly someone answered . He turned towards the other guy and said a millenium quote
" I talk , he talk
But why you middle talk"

cheers!!!
and keep writing
:)

swati said...

lol!!! :)
now thats where the fun lies yaar..imagine the school life would have been so boring if the teachers would have been appropriate in everything..
n i still remember all the guys loved to attend the class of a female young teacher..bunking all othr classes..
:)

Preetilata【ツ】 said...

lol..

i second swetha's comment.

thoroughly enjoyed it.

hw r u karthik?

Karthik said...

@Chronicwriter: Thanks Chriz.. JPR rules man

@Richa: First time!! Thanks!! keep Dropping!!

@Vinnie: Thanks yaar!!


@Kanagu: Why cant u write those Kanagu sir??


@Thoorika: Am gonna finish ma coll Thoors... Lol!! Btw they are already fed up with me and shd b proud fr writing abt them!!

Karthik said...

@Kartz: Projx over.. Now in Sem xams!!

@Sayani: Poor Math staafs.. They r good n numbers bt nt in Language..


@Swathi: I do for ma CS miss.. So cute she'll be!!


@Pretilata: Oye!! Am fine!! How u do??


@Vinnie: if google sees this comment, they are gonna blacklist me.. lets have our deal in underground!!

Lancelot said...

@ Kartik

siluvai the here mams...how the u? long the time no the sea...seems i speech english good than your professors...

ஆளவந்தான் said...

If JPR come across this post, then you will be KAIMA :)

Arc said...

Jeppair is the gethuest of gethu...Sooper post.

And who can escape from such teachers. I had this jollu Comp science sir who used to ask, "Is I correct, Are I correct?". Lot of stuff. Ah, school. What fun:-)

Liked this post Karthik:-)
And lancu, he deserves grand grand mas for english teachers. Due to some punniyam he got grandmas. And perhaps thats why he adores vadivukkarasi:P

Karthik said...

ha..ha. :))

ippa nijamave mudiyala! ;)

swati said...

yaar this telugu n tamil should be banned from the comment section..half of the time im wondering wat people are commenting :P not on my blog but on othrz blog like urs..

swathi paul(dew drop) said...

hilarious.i was laughing my head off.im forgiving you for that stupid kidnap thing.all the best

மகா said...

hey very nice post. karthi.

i will inform about this post to your lecturers.

7 1/2, 8 1/2, 9 1/2 starting to u.

tandanakka........

மகா said...

your lecturers are more better than my english teacher.

because my english teacher dont know english.

swati said...

no comment on my blog x-(

Ramyah said...

OMG. It's hilarious. Imagine i was in my lecture and reading your blog and bursted out laughing. ROFL. I just can't imagine how you endured such teachers. I guess those were fun filled classes. :p

விஜய் said...

Hilarious. In fact we too had a teacher in school, who used to say, " I talk, he talk, why you in between" ;-)

Karthik said...

@Lancelot: Am fine man.. You speak good english and siluvai baba too good english.. Dont worry man


@Aalavandaan: Why all of you telling this is JPR's??


@Arc: No.. lance loves Kovai sarala, Kamala Kandimathi, Paravai munimma..


@Karthik: Shall i call Ambulance??


@Swathi: Don't worry.. i'll teach u tamil

Karthik said...

@Swathi Paul: First you come in m147A... Then you can forgive me!! :P


@Maha: My professors dunno to read english... Also if they read this, they will think this is only the correct english.. Don worry!!


@Swathi: I commented yaar.. Couldn't catch u ol.. Always gets disappeared like an Angel.. :P


@Ramyah: hope you are a good in English.. i don want ur students to write a post on you!!


@Vijay: Everywhere same story ehmm??