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5.26.2009

What did IPL teach us??

At last IPL moolah is over. Congratulations Deccan Chargers and better luck next time, other teams and now critics are ready to slam at Indian Cricket Team, in case if they lose in their T20 WC defense, saying Too much of Cricket spoiled the party. But do IPL had more cricket? IPL is less about cricket and more about everything else. I’m not an avid Cricket freak and since we do not own a Dish TV, Big, Sun Direct DTH, Tata Sky etc, I could not catch any over of IPL live, and had to settle with the result in morning news papers, news channels; tabloids and stations begin their day with the IPL news and with all statistics; scorecard, leader board and numbers running all over making me feel worse than holding a Math book. So what did IPL teach us??



If there is a threat to your power and authority, chances of losing Young players to your opponent camp, adopt their brain child, dress him colorfully, modernize him with innovative thoughts along supporting hands from neighbors, rechristen him by removing his mid-section (No obscene) And thus we have Indian Premier League instead of Indian Cricket League. So now you can get the mid-section that I meant!! So what about the rivals?? With your supremacy, squeeze them and put their future in jeopardy.



When there is a terrorist attack, you have to postpone it for security concerns but when there is elections round the corner, you should be very adamant in rescheduling it. This is how you should show your love to our Bharat Mata being a citizen; Cricket is the Best, WTF election rest. The difference being if cricket wins, they are goanna “earn” for 5 weeks and if Politics wins, they are goanna “earn” for five years. The word quoted if you know what I mean!!



Are you an actor or actress?? Market gone?? Oh baby!! Have an Entrepreneur Boy friend?? Yes, and then buy a team. No?? Common, make a Boy friend having a life-size balance in all international banks and now the option is left to you, how long or life-long the relation is! Next, if you are a connoisseur in bargaining and auctioning and have solved the profit-loss, addition, subtraction, mediocre in schools, next step is to buy the players in auction. Make sure you get players who are good-looking, good-playing and good-acting because you need them for ads too. At least the players can assure you better performance off the field like Parthiv Patel, who walks back to pavilion as soon as the match gets underway, now he is proficient in whistling (video), thanks to the audience who taught him. And their knowledge about the game; if this is a question for IIM students to be filled mandatory in 10 pages as an essay; sure all will fail as they cannot write anything after the third line.



Now make sure you don’t participate in any reality shows that choose CHEER LEADERS for their respective teams. SRK and CSK have started the program for it and the winners weren’t took to South Africa and asked to dance in front of a Big Screen at Kolkata and Chennai respectively. Our special correspondent informed that before KKR’s cheer leaders could reach the ground form their hotels, half the game is over.



Before the sixth ball is bowled, you can expect the ad and as soon as a wicket falls, you cannot catch a glimpse of what had happened and will be seeing SPRITE, NOKIA ads. The biggest gain for the sponsors is the TEN-MINUTE STRATEGY BREAK as called by MODI. Is the Strategy for teams or Modi?? When there is a six or a wicket, we can get the close-up shots of beautiful girls; the cameras are trained for this purpose and I cannot guarantee if your thoughts will be lingering to a duet WOH LADKI HAI KAHAN with her. If you are an anti-Saif fan, love KKR, then get this song; AANKHON MEIN TERI.



KKR matches are boring to watch. Before you could finish your nature calling, three batsmen were back to the pavilion or three sixes would have been smacked by the time. The biggest prize is not tracking the Fake IPL player but to figure out what’s going on in KKR camp. Fans are keen to watch the next ZOOZOO ad in the series than whom Ishant will bowl or what shot Mccullum has played.



When Yusuf Pathan clouts a six, you can see Shilpa Shetty jumping up and down, alongside her boy friend who is desperate to keep his head into the frame rather than Shane Warne clapping for his boy or the mentor working with his laptop. If you are on the verge of defeat, which is Yusuf dismissed (who else plays low down the order??) Shilpa Shetty’s eyes brims with tears, taking us back to the memories of Big Brother. And now with Big Brother flashing in our mind, we will be wondering what her Little Sister will be doing after the match. The act of Warni(e)ng???


Half your jerseys have to be run with the sponsor’s name. Delhi Daredevils were the first victim to lose their good looking jersey (Red and Black- good combo) for a bike cover (Hero Honda) in return. The name SEHWAG, GAMBHIR will be smaller than HERO HONDA and so the reason for the dip in their aggregate.



A day’s rest can have an effect on your intelligence. A wise captain in his stable mind will experiment at semi-finals by shuffling the winning combination and bring in GONY who had a terrific tournament throughout by playing a vital role in opposition’s victory. Also he has to promote himself up the order and play a masterful innings without any clue of what’s going in the middle. The reason; Lakshmi Rai or Mallya?? Whom am I talking?? DHONI… He He He… A case was filed against him for digging the pitch rather than middling the ball.



Can a franchisee be the reason for their teams’ poor performance and exit from the tournament, though had great chances of making it to the semi-finals? Preity Zinda’s hug treatment won rave thumbs-up in the base camp and over the world which might be one of the reasons for Ness Wadia
break-up. During the auction, most players were keen on getting a place in kings Punjab XI, doesn’t matter even if they were picked for free. A six or ten sixes will give you a hug for sure and so the players are happy with hitting a six and as soon as they do it, hurry to get-out and walk to the dug-out (Rhyming!!). They couldn’t be blamed. If Preity is ready to hug you after the six, will you face a Malinga bouncer or queue in front of her?? And you have Comedy Champ Sreeshanth, who has escaped straight from a reality show and starts dancing in the middle of the pitch giving a serious threat for the cheer leaders. Punjab XI’s cheer girls are not happy with him and they are ready to step down as Sree entertains the audience more than them. Even the management has decided to hire him as a SOLO CHEER BOY (video) for the next season to save 30 odd runs that has to be chased in addition. The director of the reality show informed us that he will be dancing only after shouting OUT and not START, ACTION.



Unless you keep on winning the matches, you’ll be deserving kisses from Katrina Kaif. We are one of the souls expected Bangalore Royal Challengers to win the trophy; captained by a sincere and gentle Indian cricketer, to justify the name-IPL; add another gem in his crown. But fate has another answer. The only positive from this result is Mallya cannot kiss Katrina.



The champions are expected to lose in their title-defense and so at the start, don’t bet your money on the defending champion. Always the unexpected dark horses, which are not bookie favorites are set to do miracles and believe me, you can bet your entire property on the team finishing at the bottom of the table. Also since Lalit Modi’s favorite color is BLUE, Deccan Chargers won the title this time (last time it is Rajasthan Royals) and next year it is Mumbai Indians all the way defeating KKR. The information is subjected to changes and market risks in accordance with the script.



Meet you with more interesting facts for the next IPL or before, the Champions League.



Thanks!! Keep Visiting!!

20 Droplets:

Chriz said...

hahaha..

the csk video was good..i am whistling now..

and katrina is ditched by sallu.. he is now going around with some other babe

kanagu said...

he he he... good post... covered all that is important for an Indian citizen... cricket, politics, television and kisu-kisu... LOL @ mallaya not able to kiss katrina after final :)

Priya Joyce said...

hahaha........lol

IPL..was fun watching...more fun was ur post.total masala topics lol ;)

creativetty said...

good coverage... but too much for a non-cricket fan and who dint watch a single ball (no obscene) of ipl... kisu kisu theriyum, u dealt with 'ki(s)su ki(s)su'... but again, vaaranam aayiram effect for me...

Ajai said...

ROTFLMAO.... good post after a long time :)

Anonymous said...

six adicha udane ..replay kooda kaata maatanga..preeti zintha kudhikaradha thaan kaami paanga..

oru camera va angaye fix panni irupaanga

punjab 11 rocks...

Anonymous said...

mandhira bedi ku VRS vaangi kudunga pa...

ava himsa thaanga mudiyala..

Anonymous said...

epdio bollywood a thorathi adichitaanga..

shilpa shetty ilana rajasthan win aayirukkum.

aana onnu..intha muraiyum cup AUSTRALIA vuku thaan pochu.

adutha thadava hayden ,MIKE HUSSEY a captain a potta chennai winners of DLF IPL10

Narayanan said...

MELE IRUKKURA moonu anonymous naan thaan pa..sorry..konjam somberithanam
pera type panrathukku

Narayanan said...

kings 11 rules

1.participation upto 1 wicket - hand shake

2.more than a wicket or 10+runs - hug*.

3.man of the match - a night with preeti*.

* conditions apply

conditions - only rule1 applicable for romesh pawar,yusuf abdulla

Arv said...

Footie rules :P

Vinnie said...

hahahahhaa !
informative post da:)

swati said...

again!!!!u still havn't taught me tamil..

n tell me yaar frm whr do u get the courage of writing soo long posts...??i need to learn tat too :P

anyways a good coverage..so u switchd over frm ur movie critic job to cricket critic :)

Thoorika said...

Enna dha sola vare........? Nariya research paniruka.. adhu matum theridhu... enna exams over a ?!!!

Anto Paul said...

Nice videos especially CSK was funny!!

punitha said...

good job....jus keep going with this work so those who r really vetti can read this...n also 4 fun...:)

MINATOR said...

that a true fact... u go take a leaka and come back, 3 guys already back in the pavillion...

Karthik said...

@Chriz: Is it Asin?? :P Katrina Kaif is for me!!

@Kanagu: yes!! he can't.. Cheers.. lets Celebrate!!

@PJ: Below 18 strictly prohibited!!

@Creativetty: Wat VA effect?? i cudnt understand!!


@Ajay: Thanks Mirchi!!

@Narayanan: Yeah Rajastan lost Bcox of Shilpa Shetty.. Until they had a male owner, they won.. but after Shilpa took over, Warne started his activities!! :P Poor Powar and Abdullah!!


@Arv: Whose fan are u??

Karthik said...

@Vinnie: Thanks dear!!

@Swathi: When you want me to teach tamil?? I'll do.. Mail me your queries... And i'll mail u my resume inturn for job openings!! :P


@Thoorika: I know.. You dunno cricket.. So skip it.. Next meeting you :P

@Ando: Thank you!!

@Punitha: Hey after a long time!! Thanks!!

@Minator: Lekha s ma sweet heart!!

shanmuga priya said...

heyyyyyyy kalakeeeeeeeta po!!
gooooooood one da!!
well done aftr a looooooooong gap!
KEEP ROCKING! :)