Lingo - Bingo


Bollywood X-Closive :Bankruptcy of Imagination


With all my fellow bloggers have at least one post related to Bollywood films, still I’ve not posted any. And I felt since most of my friends know Hindi, a post on Bollywood films would interest them.

I hate to watch Bollywood movies because they usually steal or rehash successful stories, throw in some big-name stars who usually can't act and then desperately pray for success. For me, a Bollywood movie refers to the song-dance-rape-fight formula movie in an Indian language starring a politician's son or a progeny of yet another Bollywood actor/actress.

Or else you have actors like Emraan Hashmi who targets heroine’s lips for most part of the film than the villians, kissing worse so as to enter into Guinness Book of Records for MOST NUMBER OF KISSES. Or you have actresses like Mallika, Bipasha who show more of their body and skin, wearing costumes that were stitched when they were studying Standard-I and act excellently in bed. The movies with them lose focus on the story and trained its lens only on their cleavage (as if you’d not enjoyed it) Or you have directors like Ram Gopal Varma who spoil the originals in the name of remakes or churn out films with same Story, same Dons, same Goons and beaten to death story and screenplay and the end product being big YAAAAAAAAAWWWWWNNN. Then you have someone promoting their son, cousin, daughter, relative, house maid, friend, car drivers into a film and making it a family tradition entering into film industry. Taking a good cast and making them all look bad is a pretty tough ask, but few directors handles it with ease. These insufferable films drag on even as audiences wisely exited the theatre early before the Interval. Bollywood clobber its fans with one trashy film after another.

If you have seen one, you have seen them all

I find the dances lewd, plots boring, actors ugly, dialogs repetitive and music too loud, and the presentation, simply lacking creative genius.

The stunts are unrealistic.  Having stupid movies with asinine stunt scenes, where a cycle rickshaw chases and outruns a SUV on a country road  

The Bollywood movie makers have no sense of realism whatsoever (Examples: rampant use of guns, rape, and pre-marriage romance)

The inner evil of a minister/politician is brought out by showing him with girls and/or wearing his khadi kurta and sipping on a glass of whiskey


A good guy sacrifices his life

The hero mourns the death of aforementioned good guy by holding the dead head on his lap and shouting out at the heavens.

The ugly inbreeding of talent has led to creative bankruptcy. 

Bollywood directors are getting better at the packaging, if only they'd pay greater attention to the story. Ok! Enough of blaming Bollywood films as if Kollywood, Tollywood films produces best films every year is what might be running in Blogger’s mind who love Bollywood. Besides this, I don’t like to watch bollywood films because I dunno Hindi (Lol!). Even I understand the title of the Hindi film after few days referring to my friends (Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna for instance) the only Hindi phrase I’m so familiar with is Tumara Naam Kaahe (Sorry if I’d typed it wrongly. This is my level of knowledge in Hindi) and my friends do drag me to any new films that is released in Theatres near by as they are such craze over it. Since they take tickets for me free and I’m simply stuck up in house without any useful works to do, I go with them for most of the new releases. Only for Chak De India and Jab We Met (which I’ll review later) I can understand what the story and screenplay is thanks to excellent performances and in-between English dialogs. I’m of a kind who makes up what the film and scene is about using the actors’ expressions. But sadly most of the Bollywood films I’d mentioned fall in the above category. I was extremely miffed by the “Dude, you must watch this, it will change your life” type of recommendations. You know how we like to predict the next line in a movie and get a huge laugh when we are right.

Despite winning wide critical acclaim, few films fail to make a significant impact at the box office, and do lukewarm business all over because of less promotion (Johnny Gaddaar is ample testimony that you can make a gripping Bollywood movie without any of the big names) and films do succeed in box-office and smash existing records thanks to gritty promotions despite disjointed, tracing-paper-thin plot with ho-hum performances by the lead actors  (Om Shanti Om, Devdas where Shahrukh, in the title role, appeared about as comfortable as a whale in the midst of Sahara Desert. Besides this I’m a Big SRK fan. Lol!! But that’s what Human tendency) Few films for which I have patented as the most potent weapon of torture (Tashan) for one’s adversary, to be used only when the maximum amount of sadistic pleasure is desired. I am still looking for that adversary. Anyone ready for the game? (Chris, PJ, Vin all wanted! Lol!!)

Few movies were also a learning experience. If the starting sequence of a movie shows a big joint family clustered together in the Pooja Ghar, singing Bhajans, walk out immediately. Or else, it might prove torturous for your sanity. And if you seriously like the kind of stuff this movie is made of, go watch any sitcom on Star Plus or you must be a relative of Ekta Kapoor. If there is a course in the acting institutes, titled “what not to do in a comedy movie”, probably few scenes from Priyadarshans to the students would suffice. They confirm my belief that comedy is not everyone’s cup of tea. Capital Punishment should be doled out to those who indulge in making a comic movie, without having the slightest talent for it. And few films claim they come out with different genre called Horror, Humor. But they failed to realize, Horror films are made as Humorous (Darling) and Humor films are more horror to watch (God Tussi Great Ho)

But I won’t miss the bollywood flicks which were critically acclaimed. I felt Iqbal was better than Lagaan (because of the length only Aamir. But it does deserve OSCAR nomination) I buy DVD’s of the film which I’ve missed and also those which I couldn’t relate to in theatres. Watching the films in DVD is better than watching in theatres as of me because I’ve the options of subtitles in both ENGLISH and Tamil (I prefer only if I found English subtitles are awkward). Also you can stop the film whenever you want and break the DVD in anguish (I did for Ram Gopal Varma Ki Aag) which you can’t do it in theatres tearing the screens (have to count the bars)

Ok! Enough of tarnishing Bollywood. Is this means the reason why you are not reviewing any Bollywood flicks? No! I’ll review. But this is an introduction of how Bollywood films are made out from the stinking factory. To all Bollywood fans, this is no means to offend the industry (Thought of putting in header but since you will reject it as soon as you read, I’m putting at footer) because NO TWO PERSON CAN AGREE ON THE SAME LINE FOR ALL THE ISSUES. I like to critic the Tamil films which are even worse, but since my blogger friends more likely cannot see it, I’m reviewing their known language Hindi films (though I’m a Subtitle khaar). So check for reviews in forthcoming posts the films I’ve enjoyed and am bamboozled. Lol!


Thanks! Keep Visiting!  

21 Droplets:

Vin said...

i have nothing to add, modify or delete..i second each n every word typed here n the spaces in between!!

u have stolen my feelings for bollywood n most of the trash-woods

FYI - its 'Tumhara naam kya hain?' meaning "Neenga per yenna?" hey, how's that ??

@bollywood fraternity - go drown urself in Ice Age - The Movie, The one animation that answers all formula-seekers at bollywood, its got emotion, comedy, brotherhood, morals n above all great dialogues, plssssssssss LEARN!

Ramyah said...

Another seriously hilarious post. Since i watch Bollywood movies only after reading the reviews and looking at the responses, i have never experienced the urge to break the DVD.

But i just hate the multi-starrers which are churned out without any substance.

Anyways as usual interesting post.

Senorita said...

@ karthik...another splendid gem of a post...agree...Johnny Gaddar was one of the few good movies in the recent past...most of the rest were no brainers :)...your hindi seems to be atrocious(EK GOWN MEIN EK KISSAN RAGHTA was laughing hysterically) given the acting skills of the new(and old, Salman Khan still cannot act) breed of actors I find it hard to believe that you follow the story line... they have the same expression through out the movie :))...All the best for your next review... looking forward to it already :))

I'll try 2 be truthful said...

i was going to suggest Jab We Met , while reading your post. true that most hindi films offer the same formula over n over again , but I love them and somehow that has nothing to do with me understanding hindi as if it was my mother tongue, it's more of the things which i see onscreen & know for fact will never occur in real life.
have u seen Rang De Basanti. all of 'em are not as bad as the ones you have watched. albeit saawariya , tashan , desdrohi might as well send u to coma .
*all the luck with the forthcoming flicks*

Anonymous said...

U dint enjoy OSO??? being a SRK fan, hw cud u deny it?? Am highly surprised.. But the craps u mentioned TASHAN, DARLING, GOD TUSSI GREAT HO.. rite they are WORTH MISSING... But i enjoyed it!! I cme into ur blog expecting the new post wud b better than t previous and u r not churning them out like bollywood flicks!!!

//If the starting sequence of a movie shows a big joint family clustered together in the Pooja Ghar, singing Bhajans, walk out immediately//

Lol!! ROTFL!! Ma grand ma prefers this movies!!! And I hate Emraan Hashmi to the core.. lucky u dint rip ASh... I lik her.. Lol!!! Looking frward fr ur reviews!!!

Ajai said...

I love emraan hashmi man!! and on malika's cleavage.. remember u were watching it without taking ur eyes in Murder!! lol!! Took me 2 the time when v were enjoying Jab We Met in theatre, the only film for which u dint require ma translation.. OSO.. I disagree.. it's nice when compared with Saawariya and all all ingredients packed nicely.. Its insane tat U look fr Gud films despite being SRK fan!! I told u nt 2 watch RKV ki AAG.. But y did u?? for Nisha Kothari?? Lol!! This post had me in splits as usual!! Sorry cudnt blog first wit sme tight schedules... Cheers macha!! Xpecting jab we met review!

Anonymous said...

well.. i am not that much into hindi movies... but still i think i can post comments based on the some i have watched.. ur comment about hindi movies is rite.. esspecially movies like DON is full of crap and shit! but there are also nice movies in hindi.. i liked kuch kuch hotha hai and i liked om shanthi om too... many r there like these... u jus cannot put all the hindi movies in the same category... there are exceptions.. and in other languages esspecially tamil or telugu there are films in which u can learn abt all types of stupidity.. u jus cannot watch some of the telugu films... shit shit shit it is!!! anyways, i partly agree with your comments... bcoz the way a noraml hindi film is taken is really a load of crap! may b people like sherawat's movies bcoz of the 'bull show' she provides.. but the story line wud b nonsense.. so i think i have to agree with ur comments..

wiating for the chance to comment on ur next post which is expected to b better than this..

Aparnaa said...

Unbelivable post frm a mallika fan.. lol!! Forgot ur script wit Mallika?? Definitly bollywood films r such a crap 2 watch da!! But u do gt few good films surprisingly.. sme 5 to 6 a yr!! Doesn't Emraan luk cute?? Jealousy?? Bt i luvd this post man.. Wat ur blog started as such a big mokka.. the first 2 posts and frm nw on gradual improvement.. Nothin 2 blame on ur writing style as it keep me spellbounded as usual.. Humor comes wit ur post in a flow lik JK Rowling.. Y dont u try ur hand n writin a novel??

sawan said...

sems like you guys missed some good movies.. go watch "a wednesday","sirf"[2008],"Taare Zameen Par" (2007), "mumbai salsa"[ yeah i liked this one as well for the emotions involved], "rock on"[i always felt its a much matured version of DIL CHAHTHA HEIN]"Laaga Chunari Mein Daag" (2007)[i luvd rani in this mov]

Priya Joyce said...

hmmm tats constructive criticism..but wat to do the common man likes such movies without any actual plot...

and btw I like some of the movies u criticized...hmmm niways iqbal and chak de were reely gud...

ps:I am sorry if u were offended by my comment on the previous post.

விஜய் said...

Hindi films have become more melodramtic and too much of glamour and violence and portraying of pre-marital relationships and extra marital relations really pose a great danger to next generation kids, who actually watch such kinda movies. One of the few exceptions in Hindi cinema is Aamir Khan,who IMO, tries not to put all these things in his movies. Have stopped spending money in watching Hindi movies.

ஸாவரியா said...

I agree with most of your points,..Hindi movies lacks reality...A BIG TIME. Good post, Karthik.

swati said...

hey who says u dnt watch hindi movies..look there were so many movie names in ur post..n u need to take lesons on hindi its not "Tumara Naam Kaahe" its "tumhara naam kya hai"..hindi moies do lack reality bt its nt true in all case..there are many like bheja fry,page3,corporate,tzp etc..which are sme mindblowing plz dnt ever listen to people who says tat this pic will change ur life..coz life is not a movie..
well i enjoyed ur post thoroughly..

King said...

i dont like hindi movies much, i follow only aamir's movies!! bollywood is a sham! :P
Tamil evalavo paravala!

gils said...

!!!! saaami...scroll panni veral regai thenjay poachu...embutu peria postu..!!! oru rendu moonu parta poata makkal porumaiya padipaangalla :) anyways..sonna views athanaiyum i second, third, fourth and nth it..

Tara said...

Yeah, that's true for some Bollywood movies. But I don't think, all movies fall in that category though. Bollywood shells out some great stuff Dor and Khosla ka Ghosla to believe me. :)

Lancelot said...

EK GAON MEIN EK KISSAN RAGHUVODA THATHA...Verru enna solla...pramaatham...

P.S: u missed out the heroine's usual lines KUTHE KAMMINAE...

Karthik said...

@Vin: tats nt Neenga its UNGA!!! Sooper!!! Thnks fr seconding me!!

@Ramyah: Multistarring creates lot of expectation and mostly fails 2 meet!!!

@Senorita: 2nd U.. Salman bare body speaks rather than his acting skills... I completely lost myself in JG.. Yep.. ma hindi s worse!!

@I'll try 2 be truthful: I watchd Jab We Met 13 times and still am nt tired of it.. Will review it soon!!

@Keke: hare bhagvan! Save keke grand ma!! Lol.. Sooner or later i'll rip ASH... mean in post!! Lol

Karthik said...

@Ajai: Mallika's cleavg=age.. Dude.. Public Public... Shhhhhhhhhhh.. V cn talk later [:D].. Soon review on Jab We Met.. Look fr it.. Bt don xpect mre frm me!!

@Sandhya: Thnks dear fr dropping.. Yeah!! Telugu films r really worse.. especially old films!!

@Aparnaa: Project wit Mallika dropped... Nw i'm gonna take it wit SOHA ALI KHAN... JKR s a big compliment.. Plz don inform her as she may slap me fr ill-treating her!!

Karthik said...

@Sawan: Thnks Buddy fr Dropping.. Taare Zameen Par is an excellent movie.. Soon i'll review on it!! Rock-on am yet 2 watch...

@PJ: Thnks Pj.. No way i'm offended..

@விஜய்: Tat s a good decision anna to quit watching hindi films.. But You cant have so much fun in reviewing worst films if u stick to it!!

@ஸாவரியா: Thnks!! Keep visiting mate!!

@swati://plz dnt ever listen to people who says tat this pic will change ur life..coz life is not a movie..//

Good lines swati... keep visiting!!

Karthik said...

@King: ya 5 good movies in tamil 2 3 good movies in HINDi.. Thnks Buddy!! Keep visiting

@gils: Thnks anna!! If put in part na, people wil not red the next aftr reading 1st.. So complte torture in single post!!

@Tara: Dor.. Am still searching.. Thanks tara!! Keep visitng!!

@LANCELOT: Thnks boss!!!